🧬🌸

Hi, Lamija

Someone made you a whole website, because a text message simply didn't have enough room for how lovely you are. Consider this a peer-reviewed publication on the subject.

↓ scroll for science ↓
Plates A

humour, unfortunately

Streaked and incubated 24 hours. Tap a plate to see what grew.

A-01 / strain: DAD-A

Why do biologists get to dress down on Fridays? They're allowed to wear genes to work.

tap to incubate 🧫

A-02 / strain: MITO

I made a joke about mitochondria once. It was a real powerhouse.

tap to incubate 🧫

A-03 / strain: DIV

Two cells bumped into each other. One said sorry — it was mitosis.

tap to incubate 🧫

A-04 / strain: GRAM

I dated a Gram-positive cell once. So clingy — grabbed the crystal violet and refused to give it back.

tap to incubate 🧫

A-05 / strain: HGT

How did the bacterium get antibiotic-resistant overnight? A buddy slipped it a plasmid. No family required — just excellent networking.

tap to incubate 🧫

A-06 / strain: BLAST

I ran a BLAST search for someone like you. Zero significant hits — turns out you're a completely novel sequence.

tap to incubate 🧫

Slides B

specimens, viewed at 40× charm

Prepared slides. Handle with care — results may cause smiling.

🔬

Are you a carbon sample? Because I'd like to date you. Slide B-01 · confidence level: surprisingly high

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If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase — so I could unzip your… lab coat. Obviously. It's a lab safety thing. Slide B-02 · ethics committee: pending approval

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You must be the powerhouse of the cell, because you give me energy every time we talk. Slide B-03 · replicated in every trial so far

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Are we a double helix? Because I feel like we'd make a great pair, and I'm not even talking about base pairs. Slide B-04 · statistically significant, p < 0.05

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Is it warm in here, or is that just bacterial conjugation? Because I'm getting strong signals we should exchange some genetic material. Slide B-05 · pilus extended, awaiting your response

Field Report C

scientific classification of Lamija

A rare specimen, documented here for the record. Findings below.

Lamija wonderfulis · newly discovered species
Kingdom
Definitely the coolest person in any room
Phylum
Chordata — has a spine, and clearly uses it
Class
Has lots of it
Order
One smile, to go, please
Family
Would probably like her, honestly
Genus
Genius, actually — she studies biology
Habitat
Lecture halls, labs, and my thoughts more often than I'd admit
Conservation status
Extremely rare. One of one. Must be protected.